1.0The Onionhttps://theonion.comThe Onion Staffhttps://theonion.com/author/theonionstaff/Carlie Beams and Drew Jonesrich600338<blockquote class="wp-embedded-content" data-secret="B6Flv69dFL"><a href="https://theonion.com/carlie-beams-and-drew-jones/">Carlie Beams and Drew Jones</a></blockquote><iframe sandbox="allow-scripts" security="restricted" src="https://theonion.com/carlie-beams-and-drew-jones/embed/#?secret=B6Flv69dFL" width="600" height="338" title="“Carlie Beams and Drew Jones” — The Onion" data-secret="B6Flv69dFL" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" class="wp-embedded-content"></iframe><script>
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https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/4_WEDDINGS_CarlieDrew_S_PH-R.jpg20002000Six years from now, almost to the day, the blushing bride Carlie Beams and joyful groom Drew Jones will be fighting to the death for sole custody over a cat.