{"version":"1.0","provider_name":"The Onion","provider_url":"https:\/\/theonion.com","author_name":"The Onion Staff","author_url":"https:\/\/theonion.com\/author\/theonionstaff\/","title":"God Could Have Sworn He Put More Gorillas Down There","type":"rich","width":600,"height":338,"html":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"nFkNijR1xK\"><a href=\"https:\/\/theonion.com\/god-could-have-sworn-he-put-more-gorillas-down-there\/\">God Could Have Sworn He Put More Gorillas Down There<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/theonion.com\/god-could-have-sworn-he-put-more-gorillas-down-there\/embed\/#?secret=nFkNijR1xK\" width=\"600\" height=\"338\" title=\"&#8220;God Could Have Sworn He Put More Gorillas Down There&#8221; &#8212; The Onion\" data-secret=\"nFkNijR1xK\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/theonion.com\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n","thumbnail_url":"https:\/\/theonion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/God_Could_Have_Sworn-NIB-PH.jpg","thumbnail_width":1920,"thumbnail_height":1080,"description":"THE HEAVENS\u2014Expressing confusion over the primate\u2019s classification as an endangered species on the planet, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, announced Monday that He could have sworn He put more gorillas down there. \u201cHow are there fewer than 6,000 of the eastern lowland ones left when I swear I made Earth, like, half gorillas?\u201d the [&hellip;]"}