{"version":"1.0","provider_name":"The Onion","provider_url":"https:\/\/theonion.com","author_name":"The Onion Staff","author_url":"https:\/\/theonion.com\/author\/theonionstaff\/","title":"First National Bank Announces: &#39;Suckers, We&#39;re Keeping All the Money&#39;","type":"rich","width":600,"height":338,"html":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"MKLbMphxff\"><a href=\"https:\/\/theonion.com\/first-national-bank-announces-suckers-were-keeping-al-1819563842\/\">First National Bank Announces:  &#39;Suckers, We&#39;re Keeping All the Money&#39;<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/theonion.com\/first-national-bank-announces-suckers-were-keeping-al-1819563842\/embed\/#?secret=MKLbMphxff\" width=\"600\" height=\"338\" title=\"&#8220;First National Bank Announces:  &#039;Suckers, We&#039;re Keeping All the Money&#039;&#8221; &#8212; The Onion\" data-secret=\"MKLbMphxff\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/theonion.com\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n","thumbnail_url":"https:\/\/theonion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/1996\/02\/cl777gww6bkkwpxtrxbo.jpg?w=1024","thumbnail_width":"1024","thumbnail_height":"1024","description":"BOSTON\u2014The First National Bank of Boston, the nation\u2019s largest commercial bank, announced yesterday that it will no longer hold on to its customers\u2019 money and instead keep it all for itself to use in any way it pleases. Bank officials cited the expense of several ambitious projects, including the construction of an immense corporate palace, as cause for the policy change."}