{"version":"1.0","provider_name":"The Onion","provider_url":"https:\/\/theonion.com","author_name":"The Onion Staff","author_url":"https:\/\/theonion.com\/author\/theonionstaff\/","title":"Working In General Vicinity For 8 Hours A Day Misinterpreted As Friendship","type":"rich","width":600,"height":338,"html":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Spfh6MYRdu\"><a href=\"https:\/\/theonion.com\/working-in-general-vicinity-for-8-hours-a-day-misinterp-1838142520\/\">Working In General Vicinity For 8 Hours A Day Misinterpreted As Friendship<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/theonion.com\/working-in-general-vicinity-for-8-hours-a-day-misinterp-1838142520\/embed\/#?secret=Spfh6MYRdu\" width=\"600\" height=\"338\" title=\"&#8220;Working In General Vicinity For 8 Hours A Day Misinterpreted As Friendship&#8221; &#8212; The Onion\" data-secret=\"Spfh6MYRdu\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/theonion.com\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n","thumbnail_url":"https:\/\/theonion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/nivewyhoamnxgeddt5vt.jpg","thumbnail_width":2000,"thumbnail_height":1125,"description":"NASHUA, NH\u2014Saying he had wholly misread his office mate\u2019s mild, occasional interest in talking to him, sources confirmed Monday that local software engineer Michael Donner had mistakenly concluded that sitting in close proximity to a coworker for eight hours each day constituted friendship. \u201cYeah, I guess you could say Dave [Reynolds] and I are pretty tight,\u201d said the clearly confused Donner, appearing to believe that simply because they share an office and thus engage in brief and perfunctory exchanges from time to time, Reynolds must consider him some sort of deeply cherished companion with whom he has forged an intimate bond. \u201cWe\u2019ll get to talking and have a lot of really great [banal discussions about the weather or lunch]. Dave and I even have our own little [two-word pleasantries voiced to avoid an awkward silence after accidentally making eye contact]. What can I say? He\u2019s the best.\u201d When reached for comment on the relationship, Dave Reynolds required multiple clarifications before figuring out which Michael at the office reporters were referring to."}